I'll just die clean

I've been trying to quit using commercial products in the bathroom for about a year now. Which means no shampoo, conditioner, soap, deodorant, or toothpaste from the store. Which means right now I feel like I'm making my life harder than it needs to be.

I have convictions about this. I think we should only use what we can make. I want us to live the lives of producers, not just consumers. I don't want to expose my children's precious skin to the commercial products. I am terrified of the chemicals that I'm constantly learning cause cancer and chaos. I mean, that's what we read everywhere, right?

But you know what? It's hard. I told Jeremy the other night, I'm about ready to throw in the towel. I'll just die clean and smelling like a bunch of chemicals. Bring on the bleach! And the shampoo that bubbles!

You know, part of my problem is that my convictions are, well, weak. I mean, really, we're all going to die anyway. So what's the point in trying to live naturally? It's not going to save us from death, or heartache, or pain. So using that argument to convince myself to go the hard way is easily defeated. Plus, I've been alright my whole life using all those chemicals, so there goes the argument about my kids' skin.

So when someone asks me why I should put myself through this hardness, I should have an answer that I believe in and is true.

I started thinking about why I'm trying to build a homestead in the first place. Why I'm trying to live naturally. Is it because it's the popular thing to do on the internet now? Maybe because I always wanted to be a farm girl from the 1800s?

No, not really. (I mean, yes I did really want to live in the 1800s on a farm.) But my reasons are dependence, really. I want to be very careful of whom I am dependent. I'm tired of depending on the world for my food supply. I'm tired of how much the world takes from me and my family without reciprocating in kind. The world's system takes my husband away from us for too many hours every week. I pay an arm and leg at the grocery store for only enough groceries to last us one week. We are entrenched in the world's system, and it's a fight for us to get out.

The difference between the world's system and God's abundance is most obvious in the garden. And I've written about this before. You can take one little seed, and with a little work and upkeep, that one tiny seed turns into more zucchini than you could possibly want. Enough to save up for many weeks worth. The world is a taker, and God is a giver. He is Whom I want to be dependent on.

And part of that does go back to my bathroom toiletries. I know the world is not trustworthy, I know that the world takes away. So I do not trust the world with my health. I may not be able to completely depend on God just yet, but there are some little things I can do to start. One little step at a time gets me to my goal, more so than no steps.

Now that I have a solid reason to live the natural life that God designed for us, I need some help. I failed at keeping the garden weeded this summer, I keep my hair up all the time because I'm failing at keeping it clean and healthy, and I still need recipes to replace the foods we're used to eating.

But I've gotten a taste! I've tasted the different life and while I don't have everything figured out, the food is so much better, and there's more of it! I absolutely love not having to wash my hair every day. I have so much more time, especially on Sunday mornings. I have a freezer full of spinach, zucchini, corn, and other good things my garden produced before the weeds took over.

This taste is only whetting my appetite for more. I want to be more fully free by depending more solely on Christ, the solid Rock. So, I'm going to start researching again, reading everything I can get my hands on, or find. I'm going to figure out the whole bathroom toiletries thing. God made soap, or some of it, so I can start with that.


  1. Wow, Jennifer! You go girl!

    If God has put on your heart to live a certain way and to avoid certain things - I encourage you to stick with it!

    Convictions are tough! They cause us to reach deep, negotiate with ourselves, and keep going no matter what!

    I pray today that God will encourage you and give you some real hope in this journey!

    Found you on Wise Woman today.
    Hope you have a blessed day~

  2. I remember on one of my missions getting a break to go into "the city" and join an underground church service. As I was overwhelmed with how brave these people were, a couple started talking to me about "how hard it must be for Americans to be Christians." I was a bit shocked. "Sure, we are oppressed, and live in fear, but it makes us continually focus on what's important and who our Provider really is. But Americans...have so much stuff...isn't it easy to be satisfied in your stuff and not depend on Him to provide?" The conversation has left a lasting impression in me still 15 years later.
    I love your reasoning for living how you live. (And it's good to know if I ever make it to visit, you'll be clean. You look so beautiful in that picture.)

    P.S. You'd die if you knew how much I pay for shampoo & conditioner--but I'll die clean too.


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