Born in Laughter

With each of my pregnancies, I've been given a word for each baby. Eowyn's was freedom, Gideon's was purposed, Esmond's was protected, and Noemi's was happy. I feel like each word is a gift from God, and because of that, we choose names based around those words. It's hard to find names that mean those exact words, so we have had to improvise some. But the words are what I truly believe give meaning to the names and have meaning for each of my kids.


Noemi was a surprise gift for us. We didn't expect a baby so soon after Esmond, but we were both so excited when we finally figured out that we were pregnant and were going to keep this baby too. You see, God had saved our marriage during Esmond's pregnancy, so the other pregnancies were not a shared joy in the beginning. But God was not finished with us, and literally pulled our marriage away from the brink of destruction to give us true life together.

And we are so thankful. Thankful to be able to love each other again. And that our family is complete and whole.

So Noemi's word was given rather early. Happy. We were happy she was with us and happy with this gift. Happy and excited that she was. God continued to bless us with this child by making her a sweet girl. There was nothing about this baby that didn't make us all happy and excited.


Birth has always been a defining moment for me. My first was so traumatic, I walked around damaged until my second birth, which was healing for me. Then my third was once again damaging, just not as badly as the first. Birth is like that, though. It's the most vulnerable, uncontrollable, scary time. I think the curse of Eve extended much farther than just physical pain. Birth can rend your spirit in two, or God can use it to heal. So when I am getting ready for birth, I'm scared. I'm scared that it could turn into the hell I've experienced after birth. With Noemi's birth approaching, I prayed constantly that I'd meet God in this birth, whatever may happen. I wanted to be able to see Him, not the horrors that I'd seen before.

I picked the perfect date when it would be so convenient to have a baby. But I wasn't really ready then. And this baby was not going to be convenient. She was, and is, a unique, beautiful baby that cannot be put into a box. God has other plans for her. So we waited, and I continued to pray trying to trust that He had this planned. I did trust, even though anxiety would grab a hold of my heart. Trusting is most times a choice, not a feeling.


Then it happened. After my water broke, for those 40 minutes of intense agony, Jesus and I were laughing. The noises I was making, the sobs and screams, had little to do with what was going on in my heart. There comes a point in birthing that you separate yourself from the physical pain. That you descend into a different, observing place. While I was in that spot, I met God. And we laughed. We were able to laugh at the happenings around us. That my husband was still packing the suitcase for the hospital. That my Mom was trying to brush my hair and get me dressed. That my Dad was yelling at me. That my Mom kept apologizing for having "to look." That I was able to move into a pushing position. That I was worried about the sheets on my bed. That my Dad was calling everyone. That my sister finally got there to save the day. Then that my Mom and my sister were telling the paramedics to back off. That I was being so perfectly defended and protected with elephant pride. That my kids couldn't really believe what they saw when they were woken up to meet the baby before we left. That my brother-in-law was carrying my stretcher down the steps and I told him if he dropped me I would never speak to him again. That my brother-in-law drove my ambulance to the hospital and hit multiple bumps. That the paramedic asked me if I knew where I was.

I think that's how God offered to heal me this birth. With laughter, and joy, and just plain happiness. So I laughed like Sarah, at the absolute ridiculousness of the birth.

At the absolute ridiculousness of what God can do. He is good.

2 comments

  1. Wow! I cried. How beautiful. I LOVE the part about meeting God. I've been there. It is a wonderful place to be. Praising God for your healed marriage. Thank you for sharing something so special.

    Blessings,
    Kerri

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Kerri! Many blessings on you and yours!

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